Antisocial MT

[Maria O]

I've just gotten out of school.  I'm working at the YMCA and a Salon in my hometown.  I'm not getting many clients because I dont know how to sell myself very well.  I've always been kinda quiet, and not really gotten into too many conversations with people.  I was actually placed in a social behavior class in grade school...but it was didnt help.  I have learned to live to live with this for the most part.  I was never diagnosed to any kind of antisocial condition.  But now that I'm an LMT and having to perform a dual role with having to do my own marketing...this condition of mine is starting to effect my career.  I'm thinking about seeing an MD to see if there is some kind of medication or therapy that would help me open up more around strangers.  Has any other MTs had to deal with this type of anxiety?

 

[bella blue]

You are just settling in, vchild! Give yourself a chance to get your "sea legs"...even for the most outgoing, business can take a few months to get rolling.For 20yrs I believed I was agoraphobic. My neighbors actually thought at one point, that my poor ex had done me in! (He wasn't in the least bit abusive.) Then came a time of life when I HAD to abandon that belief. Massage was the greatest "rescue" in that respect. I had to forget my perceived problems to support myself. The focus on healing others pulled me entirely out of myself. Quiet can actually be an asset. There are few things more aggravating in massage, than a yakkety yakker with no reasonable brakes. MT's are human, and that can be the source of a very bad day.If you believe you need to be more outgoing to succeed, there are behavior mod classes, even anti-anxiety medications to help. I'm sure others will suggest other options as well. Sometimes Tai-Chi, and Yoga can get us around people who are peaceful, but feel strong in that peace.I don't really know any fast tracks to where you would like to be, wish I did. For me it was a gradual, but steady forward, breaking out of a cocoon. A quickie may be to circulate around your spa. If you can work it out with the stylists, (if its a salon/spa type of business), get a comfortable rolling stool and offer a comp'd delicious hand massage when clients are bored stiff under a dryer, or waiting for a process like coloring.Just show the stylists you will not be in their way, and they will be so grateful to oblige. Teach a stretching class at the Y...or baby massage. The more you get around other people, in a confident and comfortable way, the quicker you will feel your wings against an open sky.  You can do it, and you will love it!

 

[???? ?o ???????]

That is a pretty good idea, actually, hand or foot massage while the hair is marinating.  The problem is, if I understand the original poster's note, is that he is not comfortable enough to approach these potential clients.  If the stylists will offer it to their clients and communicate it with him, then great!! I understand very well, make that very very well what he's feeling.  I used to have my chair set up and would offer some seated massage if a person had to wait awhile for the stylist.  About 2 or 3 made the transition to the table.  I quit that offering in July, with the season, I should take it back in, I guess.Guys, the best way for us to get new clients is for us to somehow get our hands on them.  When the client realizes how good it feels, then our chance to make this person a client rises tremendously.  Being there and being visible helps too.  If you've got a friend that is socially comfortable, and can join the chamber of commerce, if you've got an active chamber, that'd help.  BNI helped me a lot.  Good luck.  mick

 

[hotguy101]

Antisocial MT

vchild - IMO, I think you're being too hard on yourself. I don't think you're antisocial, you're just not a social animal. Many of us aren't. I imagine I'll have the same kind of problem as you when I start marketing for myself (I'm still in school).I'm pretty much the same as you. Very comfortable with my own company. I had to do the same kind of thing when I would have an exhibit at a gallery - had to be smiley, friendly, and in the 'sell' mode. It worked, I sold - and surprise, I eventually got to like it and formed some lasting friendships. (Did/do the same kind of thing - again - with acting.)However, being an MT and marketing ourselves as such seems to be a lot easier because we're 'selling' something that really does benefit people. In fact, you might consider using the facts/benefits of massage as a screen to put you in the background. It's not you you're presenting, it's massage et al. And as you warm up to potential clients, even in the beginning, enough of your personality will come through.vchild, I think you'll do fine. And remember - breathe.

 

[crickeys]

Antisocial MT

Has any other MTs had to deal with this type of anxiety?

Yes indeed. I've been diagnosed with social anxiety and depression (years ago) and still see effects of the social anxiety. I love large crowds. However, when I get in one, I just get irritated and have to leave. Strange, I know. I was on every medication under the sun for a long time. They didn't help in any way whatsoever. The main drug I was on was Zoloft, supposedly the cure-all for depression and anxiety, while helping calm my Tourrette's at the same time. Didn't help at all. It got to where I was taking 250mg of it (2 and a half pills daily) and it still wasn't helping much, yet got addictive. I quit taking them suddenly, and became ill. I do not recommend taking any antidepressants or anti-anxiety meds at all. Trust me, I've taken a lot of them, and it just doesn't seem to help. Like I said, I still suffer from the anxiety, but the way I see it is that I've got to pay bills somehow, so if going up to people and talking to them is the way I have to do it, then so be it. Now I'm pretty much a social butterfly. I still feel uncomfortable doing it, that's normal for people like us, but we just have to learn to get over it and go out and meet people. But hopefully you'll break out of your shell and become much less shy. I did, and it's much more fun than not talking.

 

[Cyclist 2300]

Antisocial MT

Have you tried Bach Flower Essences? I have used with some success Larch and Water Violet. Water Violet especially is to help you develop warmer relationships with others. I'm also very shy, and it really rather irritates me! And that is usually what gets me going, if nothing else.Try many things out before you consider a prescription antidepressant, many many things. There are so many alternatives.Jill

 

[Pierra]

vchild,   I have the same problem.  I'm very shy with new people.  Massage has helped me alot.  I know I have to be more outgoing to get more clientele.......especially people I don't know.  It's getting easier to come out of my shell.  Just keep talking to yourself about this problem and try to realize what you want to do about it and what you need to do.  Fear, I hinders us from doing lots of things.  The comment about the Bach Flowers is true.  You can use both the Water Violet and the Larch together.   A couple drops of each.  Water Violet is for people who are shy.  Larch is to add confidence.......because you lack it.  Good luck.  Jamie

 

[koala4poly]

I had a rough time with anxiety and shyness when I started.  Part of my job was doing chair massage and marketing for my chiro in our gym.  I was so intimidated, but I knew I would lose the job if I didn't produce results.Have you thought about attending some kind of life education/motivational workshop like Landmark Forum or Lifespring?  I did the Landmark Forum, and while I was put off a bit by their aggressive marketing, I really did learn to stop putting restrictions on myself and stop telling myself I wasn't important enough to talk to people.  It was a great networking opportunity too.The only limits you have are the ones you place on yourself.  If a person doesn't respond well to your approach, it more than likely shows their own mistrust of people and shouldn't be taken personally.It sounds like you're feeling stress from the lack of stability of your income and career right now.  You just started out, and insecurity is normal.  I don't know if I would want to use medication to make this experience less real.Try making an effort to talk to one new person every day.  Smile at everyone who walks by and make eye contact.  Pretty soon you'll be saying hello, and then they'll be approaching you.  Stand near a candy dish.Do you do chair massage?  Make a sign that says "FREE 10 Minute Chair Massage" and park yourself in near a heavily used entrance/exit.  Put someone you know in the chair and work on them while asking everyone walking by if they'd like to be next.  Its always easier if you already have someone in the chair!  Give everyone who sits in your chair a "new client discount" coupon with an expiration of one month.  Put out a candy dish.  People will talk to you so they don't feel guilty about just taking your candy.If it were easy in the beginning you wouldn't learn anything and there wouldn't be anything to look forward to.  You've only been at it a couple months, right?  We've all been where you are.  Just keep making the effort and visualize yourself as an outgoing, caring, experienced therapist with integrity and abundant clientele.  You've got unlimited potential!Katykangaroo

 

[babunirbaba]

Antisocial MT

Add me to the growing list of shy therapists!I've found that talking to people is a skill like any other and you get better with practice. Better as in more comfortable. It's sometimes difficult to force yourself to work on this skill because of the initial discomfort. I agree with katykangaroo, try just one new person per day, or just smile and say good morning to a stranger.I have a standard set of questions I can ask when the conversation starts to lag. Most people really enjoy talking about themselves so non-intrusive personal questions are best. Although it doesn't always give you a chance to talk about yourself and your work, being a good listener will win you points. Never discount a contact, even if you never even talk massage.Hope that helps,Sally

 

[Pompal 09.]

You would be surprised how many people you can attract to your business just by smiling politely (and genuinely of course) and being present at whatever spa/gym/place of business your work. I, for one, tend to "shy away" from agressive yacking business owners. Instead, I actually prefer to seek out the quiet, nice vendor who welcomes you with a smile and offers politely for you to try out whatever they're selling. So don't worry about being "Mr. Society Man" and just be yourself, maybe make the extra effort to observe when someone is in the vicinity and try to catch their eye, smile and maybe say "hello, how are you?". That alone may strike up a conversation with someone and before you know it, they start asking questions and there's your intro!  ;DBe well,Jen

 

[Joris D]

Well, I'm a bit of an introvert (shy) myself, Vchild. Just so the rest of you don't think you're all alone here.  Even as a child I was never very outgoing. And rarely had more than one or two friends.I am an introvert who is making an effort to be more outgoing. IMO, the first step is admitting you're not happy with the way you are. That you want to change.So, then you break it down into little steps. I find that I'm usually pretty good in a one on one situation.  That's one of things about massage, it's nearly always one on one. I'm ok with doing the work, it's the introducing yourself and getting them to consider a massage part that's tough, right?  Well it all starts with being friendly.Jen and Barefoot (Sally) are definitely on the right track. I recommend you practice on complete strangers for a couple days. As you walk down the street or the mall, or wherever you go... try to make eye contact and smile at everybody.  (There's a cute little poem about a smile being caught "like the flu" - so this is one time it's ok to be coneforum.xxxious!)  Then after you have done that for a couple days, work on saying "Hi" or "Good morning" to the person. Something very general, but at least you're making eye contact and smiling. Who knows... yours may very well be the friendliest face they see all day!(When I worked in a retail store chain they gave you 60 seconds from the time the person stepped inside the store to smile and greet them and ask if you could help them and to tell them about today's specials. You're not being pushy... you're being friendly, helpful and considerate.  But, you might sell more too. LOL)After you have practiced that a few days then work on bringing it back to the places where you work. You want to position yourself near the reception/front desk area. Try considering yourself the "host" of the day.What can you do to make their experience there more enjoyable? Think of them as your guests.Catch their eye, say Hi, tell them you're the MT on staff.Offer to help them with their coat? Get them a cup of coffee/tea or offer a complimentary hand massage while they wait for "Suzy Stylist" or their personal trainer?  Ask them their name, and what they do for a living... (Get a dialogue going.) You'll find the people who are "on their feet all day" and the ones who "drive a desk"... and you'll be able to cater your "massage benefits" list to their particular fields of interest.Potential client:"Oh, I'm a waitress."Vchild: "Oh, do your feet hurt a lot? Or do you find that your upper body gets more of a work out carrying those trays?"(allow for potential client's response)Vchild: "Massage might be able to help you with that problem, it helps (insert benefit or two here). If you're interested in trying massage therapy, please call this # and ask for me." (Then hopefully give them a brochure that tells about you and your business and basically how getting massage can improve their life. LOL)Katy has some good ideas too. The candy dish with chair massage is not a bad idea if you have a massage chair.  Is there a bodyworkers network in your area? Join it.You'll meet others in your area who have the same problems, goals and interests.Anyway, Vchild, let us know how it goes. We all have this problem to some extent. But success with just a couple people will encourage you to keep it up. Hopefully you will have some bookings from it soon!

 

[Brian]

Antisocial MT

Yes to all that above!And remember, every "No" you get is one step closer to a "Yes."

 

[Wonder]

I was told while going to school that a massage business is 20% technique and 80% personality.  I do not know if this stands true.  But, I will say that If I was shy I would have never grown the business I have.  I talk to everyone.  It also helps that I have been singing professionally for several years and know what it's like to be the center of attention.  So I am not afraid of a crowd.  I know it's stepping out of your comfort zone.  So the friendlier and more outgoing you are the more people will connect with you and the more people you reach.  I talk to people in the grocery store, the car wash, church, retail clerks you name it.  I always let people know what I do for a living and always have cards with me to give out.  Obviously, when the conversation leads to a certain subject.  I don't go around and walk up to people and say "Hi, I'm a massage therapist, do you need a massage."  I just smile at people and know when it's right to be friendly or not.  It is certainly a risk worth taking.  I know I would not want to go to a therapist that was not open and friendly.  I would go somewhere else.

 

[Lizzie]

I used to be(8-10 years ago)  a serious introvert...I would have panic attacks anytime I had to go to a party or enter a room first, or meet someone for the first time, I would have severe panic attacks.  It was terrible.2 things happened.  1) I decided that anything that scared me, I had to jump in with both feet and face it...whatever it was.  What was the worst that could happen?  Chances are it was never life threatening, (at least most times) which meant I would most likely not die from facing my fear.  That helped a lot.I decided to start bartending - what better way to force yourself to meet new and strange people every day!?  I took on an alter-ego so to speak.  I thought to myself "I will never see these people again, why not just pretend to be outgoing and funny"  And that is just what I did.  After a while, it just became natural.  And when I meet new people outside of work, I just thought to myself "it's just another bar customer" and I would relax.2) I took 5-HTP ( a natural tryptophan pre-cursor) and within 2 weeks, my anxiety attacks went from 7-8 a week, to 1 a week, and down from there.  I have not had a true attack in over 7 years (and I only took the supplement for 8-10 months...haven't taken it since)I still get the butterflies on occassion, but it is never obvious like it used to be.  And I have trained my self to enjoy the nervous feeling, because now I know that something good always follows (like defeating a demon!)Just this year I conquerd (sp) my fear of heights...by learning how to fly on a regulation size TRAPEZE!!!!!Yaaaaaaaa Me!           ;D      

 

[Silent]

I'm an introvert also.  It's so hard to start this business.  I was just getting my clientele built up......which is hard doing when you work a full time job to pay the bills, plus massage when you have the clientele.  Well, one of my regulars just didn't show up one day and never returned my phonecall.  So that has bummed me out.  Everyone comes, but not many come back.  I've tried just about everything.  Thinking of trying a salon or something else.  People that come to me say my massages are great.....that they are so relaxed and fall asleep.  But very few reschedule.  This does a number of the self-esteem also.   I'm about ready to quit.  I read the other posts here and it is so informational.  I know I'm very shy and have to push myself out there.  It doesn't take much to start talking to people, as most of the people that I see....I have things in common with them.  

 

[KellahPanda]

Antisocial MT

I am so glad to see that I am not the only shy MT!Thank you all for sharing your posts! It is heartwarming to know that others have overcomed this problem. Jenn

 

[SPAY YOUR MUTT!]

Pete,    Thanks so much for the feedback.       The regular who blew me off mentioned the upcoming massage to my husband.  Then didn't show.  I may call her again and ask if she'd like to reschedule.     I ran new client specials when I started.  I donate gift certificates to organizations I believe in that are in the area and have silent auctions.  Yep, I ask if they'd like to reschedule when they get ready to leave.  They all say they like to wait and see.  I'm that way with my massage therapist also.       Yes, just started......my first year.  I'm feeling very discouraged.  Ready to quit and go back to nursing.  I love my office.  I created a very peaceful and calming atmosphere.  I'm professional.  And I love giving massages.  It's like meditation.  I'm so happy and calm when giving a massage.  And the hour flies by.  I know and expected the first year to be hard, but not this hard.  People where my office is located have booked with me and brought friends.  But they didn't rebook either.  First I thought it was the holidays.  Will wait and see.  But thanks again.  It helps to hear other's have the same problems.  Jamie

 

[VeganAlexa]

Antisocial MT

 And I love giving massages.  It's like meditation.  I'm so happy and calm when giving a massage.  Jamie

Jamie!!!!

Read what I quoted above.......

read it again.........

There's a reason you chose massage....or it chose you.

It will take TIME.  If money is an issue can you take a per diem job in nursing?  Our part of the country is in a nursing shoreforum.xxxe is yours?

The three years...I hear is very standard.

The next biggie for GC's is Valentines...then Mothers and Fathers day.....gear up for them.

Stay strong...you LOVE massage!!!!

Robyn

PS

I am another VERY shy(painfully so) person....I'm surprised to see how many of us(touch therapists) are so shy.

 

[Volks]

Jamie I am in my first year too. I just put a sign (computer generated) up that says. "Remember to book your next massage appointment before leaving today and receive 10% off" I have worked on two clients since then and one of them rebooked. My first rebook other than the salon owner. Yippee I put the sign on the counter where they take off their jewelry and on the mirror in the room. I figured everyone checks their appearance in the mirror before they exit the room. Just a thought. Hang in there you will have a successful practice  because you love what you do.

 

[Muttlove]

Robyn,    Yes, I'm working, still, as a nurse.  Went part time....I let them know the days I'm available and they give me patients for those days.  It's pretty flexible for me to start my business.  I do homecare.  So I can tell them, "I can see only this many patients this day, because I have two or three massages booked."  This work's out great......when I have clients.       I have been thinking about the "painfully shy" thing.  I've been doing nursing for a long time and feel very confident in doing it.  I'm not shy with my patients.  So I think the shy part now is because of my self confidence issues.  I think once my confidence is increased........with increased clientele, then I'll not be as shy.  My therapist and I talk and I mention things.  She says you will be such a help to your clients because you can teach them all this other stuff.  Yea, but if the client isn't there, how will I teach them. LOL.     I know I'll have to work on more networking.  My son has cards and gives them out to people he delivers appliances to.......who comment on sore this or that.  My husband takes cards to work........Post Office (lots of sore muscles there).  He even mentioned to his doc and the doctor said to bring in some cards.  Our area has a lot of massage therapist.  It's hard to get out there.  And I don't think people utilize it enough to improve their health.  I have Occupational and Physical therapist whom I work with making referrals.  And co-workers also.      I appreciate the info on getting the word out there.  It helps all us newbies.Thanks again.Jamie