If i was a substitute anchor for Fox news or CNN, how would i introduce myself...

[dremedilllk]

...to the American people and .? If i was a substitute anchor for Fox news or CNN, how would i introduce myself to the American people and ...?
And how would I sign off?

Remember Dan Rather when he was working for ABC, he was like this is Dan Rather For ABC or something like that. how would go about it?

 

[Defense Devil]

Good morning/evening, etc

Welcome to Fox News, CNN, ABC, etc.

Last night or earlier, So and So did this or said this.

 

[Eddie]

You should have just seen the Jimmy Kimmel skit - FOX "Chicken F-cking" News - something an anchor said to the weatherman that got taken the wrong way. Pretty funny. But the best thing to say would be, "Hello, I'm working, and you aren't!"

 

[Sally says...]

Fox News: Good morning, let us tell you the facts.

All others: Good morning, as our days are numbered due to global warming let me tell you that Obama is speaking today in Mass. on the extreme urgency that NHC is probably the only thing that will save us, or at least bid us a tad few extra years, or minutes, on this lovely green earth, please be kind to it, it is delicate you know! And we urge you once again to kindly not set off fire works or fire arms as it will startle the birds of nature. And by the way, they are our friends and not to be eaten. There are some plants which have feelings too, so please stay tuned and we will advise you which ones to avoid eating. Thank you ever so kindly!