Reframing self-care: New Chicago business looks beyond scented candles and massages to help clients find joy - Chicago Tribune

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Alison Bowen

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Liz Coffey remembers when she realized burnout at work was affecting her life to the point where it took over a holiday.

Her aha moment was on Thanksgiving in 2020, when she found herself sitting with her husband in their West Town home eating takeout and complaining about work.

Coffey realized she needed a break, but she also knew a scented candle wasnโ€™t going to cut it.

โ€œAs women, weโ€™ve been told to just put a face mask on it when weโ€™re feeling stressed,โ€ said Coffey, 39, a Chicago entrepreneur whose Thanksgiving experience led her to start her company, On Leave Experiences, which pairs clients with excursions intended to help them broaden their horizons by wandering, creating and learning.

The conversation around self-care has changed in recent years. A bath can help, but if you canโ€™t muster the energy to find enjoyment in life, that can indicate a larger issue. Many people are thinking anew about what self-care means and how they can more broadly find contentment or joy in daily life.

In the bestseller โ€œReal Self-Care: Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble-Baths Not Included,โ€ author Pooja Lakshmin talks about self-care methods versus principles. For example, a yoga class can be part of a larger goal to practice self-compassion, but itโ€™s just a Band-Aid if it becomes something you feel bad you donโ€™t attend every week.

โ€œWe live in a capitalist society that we know is entrenched with racism and misogyny and ableism,โ€ she said, โ€œwhere the highest form of value is productivity.โ€

Even Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy wrote in a recent New York Times op-ed that parents are burned out to the point of needing federal solutions to help with the related stress and mental health concerns.

Lakshmin agreed. โ€œTo take rest makes us feel like we are a failure,โ€ she said. โ€œYou canโ€™t meditate your way out of a 40-hour workweek with no child care.โ€

After her Thanksgiving realization, Coffey said, she began working with a professional coach, who initially suggested prioritizing self-care. Coffey booked a massage.

โ€œI felt like I would lay on that table, and I would be answering emails in my head,โ€ she said.

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Liz Coffey looks over tchotchkes at The Brewed Coffee Shop in the Avondale neighborhood as she scouts locations for her self-care business, On Leave Experiences, on Sep. 12, 2024, in Chicago. (E. Jason Wambsgans/Chicago Tribune)

So instead, she began focusing on what brought her joy, and while working with her coach, she kept coming back to the idea of trips she had taken with her friends โ€” moments where she felt unplugged from her phone, talking to people and learning new things.

In 2023, she took a solo trip to Birmingham, Alabama, and ended up having a nightlong discussion with another woman who was also solo and who had recently separated.

โ€œWe had the most amazing conversation,โ€ Coffey said. โ€œThe goal of that conversation was not to become best friends from it, but just to have a conversation, make a connection with a human.โ€

On the flight home, she thought, โ€œI feel alive.โ€ She recalled that โ€œit was such a juxtaposition from getting off a massage table.โ€

Coffey started her company this year after leaving her job in supply chain communications and taking a life-coaching course.

On Leave Experiences offers something different from trips like bachelorette parties or college roommate reunions. Coffey is clear that while those trips are great, she believes self-discovery can be prompted by wandering in new cities and towns or finding a new path in a place where someone already lives.

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Liz Coffey stops to chat with Sarah Jamison, owner of Firefly Fiber Arts Studio in the Avondale neighborhood, as she scouts locations for her clients on Sep. 12, 2024. (E. Jason Wambsgans/Chicago Tribune)

Theresa Chu, 43, a communications consultant, found On Leave Experiences after what she described as a โ€œcycle of burnout.โ€

โ€œI think part of why Iโ€™ve struggled with defining what self-care means to me is because a lot of what is presented to women is this idea that self-care is limited to getting your nails done or hanging with the girls,โ€ she said in an email. โ€œIโ€™m not a spa person. I donโ€™t have a lot of girlfriends. So what does that leave me with?โ€

Her self-care day began in the Pilsen neighborhood at the National Museum of Mexican Art and included a private floral arrangement lesson at Zinโ€™s Flower Shop. But the wandering and eating on 18th Street was Chuโ€™s favorite part.

She tends not to be โ€œsomeone who just roams to roam,โ€ she said. But now, sheโ€™s noticing more art and things around her in her daily life.

Coffey shares what she learned from her own experience: Bring a book to a solo dinner because it is great company and a conversation-starter. In fact, a book is what inspired her conversation with the Alabama woman.

With a coaching lens, Coffey creates intentional itineraries, like the bouquet-making experience that helped Chu create a connection with another person. For weekend trips, Coffey offers questions to consider. For example, for a client going on an excursion this month that kicks off with a bike ride, she asked the client to consider: โ€œIs it easy or hard to not be in constant touch with your phone while biking? What makes it that way?โ€

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Liz Coffey, right, learns to pin a specimen from Nina Salem, founder of the The Insect Asylum in the Avondale neighborhood, as she scouts locations for clients on Sep. 12, 2024. (E. Jason Wambsgans/Chicago Tribune)

Women have to be convinced to not feel guilty about carving out time for themselves, Coffey said. They may feel they canโ€™t leave their family, or they already travel enough. But thereโ€™s something โ€œmagic,โ€ she says, about this type of self-focused travel, whether itโ€™s a day trip in your own city or a Thursday night flight with a Sunday return.

Coffey said wandering or traveling solo can be helpful because it cultivates mindfulness โ€” looking around you, instead of at your phone. Noticing small details like how the leaves sway or a cloud floats can help a person feel more calm and centered.

An On Leave weekend is a two- to four-day itinerary; it can include, for example, cocktails in New Orleans or a writing workshop in Los Angeles.

To help facilitate this, the company has a process to assess what the client needs. Fees start at $129 for a Day of You and $599 for a signature On Leave weekend. The company books hotels, experiences and meal reservations, although Coffey recommends that clients book their own flights.

Robin Tillotson of the Chatham neighborhood also knows women who need to hear that they can take time for themselves. While working a separate job, Tillotson started the company This I Do For Me, which is named after a phrase her mother would use while making time to focus on herself.

Tillotson, who then retired from her previous job, said her image of self-care continues to evolve.

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Robin Tillotson, who owns a travel company called This I Do For Me, runs an online orientation for a client who signed up for a trip to Ghana, Aug. 12, 2021. (Chris Sweda/Chicago Tribune)

โ€œA big part of self-care, for me, particularly in these last two years since Iโ€™ve been retired, emanates from being more conscious about how I am moving in the world and how conscious I am as I am doing it,โ€ she said.

Having time to slow down, she said, revealed how often she was just โ€œon the wheelโ€ of life: โ€œYouโ€™re engaged on all the stuff, but sometimes youโ€™re not fully conscious, youโ€™re not enjoying it in many ways,โ€ she said. โ€œYouโ€™re just on the grind.โ€

Her companyโ€™s trips are geared toward women age 50 and older, people who she says spent a lifetime caring for others and now are newly focused on themselves. They travel internationally, with a big group coordinated by Tillotson, who seeks out experiences like making lanterns and attending theater.

During the trips, clients will often have wonderful conversations. The goal isnโ€™t making new best friends for life. โ€œItโ€™s just that you spent a great day with a new person,โ€ she said.

Alison Bowen is a freelancer.
 
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  33. AliceSpa:
    SUNDAY at ๐—”๐—Ÿ๐—œ๐—–๐—˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”, 4915 Steeles Ave. E, Scarborough ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿต๐Ÿด-๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿด๐Ÿต๐Ÿด. 3 Amazingly Hot Top Girls Today at Alice Spa. Open 10am to 9pm: MIKO (12pm-9pm): from Taiwan, is young, very pretty, slim & busty internet celebrity who can make your face shine. 5'2", 100 Lbs, long black hair. Excellent service strong massage bbbj cim dfk, all menus. SOPHIA: is a cute, young & pretty Singaporean
  34. bnwellness_wilson:
    have 4 masseuse are working today. Young sweet student Kitty 26โ€™s with curve body open mind and young pretty popular Lily small 25โ€™s with curve body ,fun sexy Ivy 36DD with big buttocks 30โ€™s open mind and cute GFE Ella are providing deep tissue massage, pls call 4163985777 book appointment and walk in always welcome, back entrance and parking available. 350 Wilson Ave North York
  35. Jennyโ€™s Spa:
    ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’JENNYโ€™S SPA๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ โœ…5170 DUNDAS STREET WESTโœ… ๐Ÿ‘ŒETOBICOKE ONTARIO M9A 1C4๐Ÿ‘Œ โ˜Ž๏ธ( 647-893-5196)โ˜Ž๏ธCall or Text โ˜Ž๏ธ( 437-888-3759)โ˜Ž๏ธCall Only (ETOBICOKE) OPEN 10am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY ๐Ÿ”ฅโœ…GRAND OPENING๐Ÿ’ฏNEW GIRLS EVERYDAY๐Ÿ”ฅEXCELLENT MASSAGE + SERVICE QUEENS NOW AVAILABLE AT JENNYโ€™S SPA FOR ALL YOUR MASSAGE AND SPECIAL EXTRA NEEDS๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ”ฅโค๏ธ๐Ÿ‘Œ ๐Ÿ”ฅBEAUTIFUL NEW YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS EVERYDAY๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐Ÿ’ฏREAL PICTURES OF ATTENDANTS๐Ÿ’ฏ ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’‹Limited Time Special Promotion๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’‹ โœ…๐Ÿ’ฆ30 Minutes Nude Massage with
  36. ForeverWarden:
    Sunday at ๐Ÿซฆโค๏ธ๐Ÿ”ด๐ŸŸฅโ™พ๏ธ๐“•๐“ž๐“ก๐“”๐“ฅ๐“”๐“ก ๐“ข๐“Ÿ๐“โ™พ๏ธ๐ŸŸฅ๐Ÿ”ดโค๏ธ๐Ÿซฆ2190 Warden Ave, Unit 201, Scarborough ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿด๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿฌ-๐Ÿณ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด๐Ÿณ: Bobo, Vivian & Cindy. Bobo is a small, slim and sexy lady, petite with all natural busty melons for your enjoyment. Vivian is an attractive slim Vietnamese honey with C Cups, who can sweeten your day with daty, bj and cfs Cindy is a slim beauty, 5โ€™4โ€, natural C Cups.
  37. DareDevil:
    ARIA WELLNESS ADDRESS: 360 HWY 7, UNIT #6, RICHMOND HILL,647-222-5683/905.886.9993 (PHONES CALL ONLY, NO TEXT'N AVAILABLE) โ™ฅ๏ธTODAY'S Schedule!โ™ฅ๏ธ Loaded lineup with Young Beautiful Girls : New Girl Joey, Lovely Lisa, Charming Chloe, Magical Mia and Work out๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿšด๐Ÿ’ช Babe Amy! BUY 10 HOURS (GET 11 HOURS) **TODAY'S PICK OF THE DAY IS LISA**
  38. HolidaySpa:
    Sunday at ๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒ…๐“—๐“ธ๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ญ๐“ช๐”‚ ๐“ข๐“น๐“ช๐ŸŒ…๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒด3517 Kennedy Rd, Unit 4, Scarborough โ˜Ž๏ธ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿต๐Ÿตโ˜Ž๏ธ: Amy & Jenny. AMY is an attractive young lady with larger breasts and a nice bottom. She has outstanding oral skills, and is very popular. Donโ€™t miss out on her special skills! Jenny has a medium build, nicely curvy with a slim waist, pretty face, and very flexible skills. Jenny will make you very happy.
  39. SugarLoveSpa:
    Sunday at โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’™ ๐Ÿ’œโŽ๐—ฆ๐—จ๐—š๐—”๐—ฅ ๐—Ÿ๐—ข๐—ฉ๐—˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”โŽ ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’˜: ANA, HANA & TINA. 1270 Finch Ave W (at Keele St), Unit 18. North York. ANA is a young, short and sweet lady, 5โ€™1 & 105 Lbs, very tight, with a small to medium booty. Ana is a versatile honey who provides great massage, & can accommodate your needs. CHRISTINA is Spanish, C Cups, 5'3", tall & nice curves, very open minded. JENNY is sweet
  40. Annie Spa:
    ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ANNIE SPA๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ โœ…7-1001 SANDHURST CIRCLEโœ… ๐Ÿ‘ŒSCARBOROUGH ON M1V 1Z6๐Ÿ‘Œ โ˜Ž๏ธ (647) 891-9688โ˜Ž๏ธ โ˜Ž๏ธ (416) 291-8879โ˜Ž๏ธ (FINCH & MCCOWAN) OPEN 9:30am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY ๐Ÿ”ฅโœ…NEW MANAGEMENT๐Ÿ’ฏNEW GIRLS๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐Ÿ”ฅGORGEOUS NEW YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS - TODAYโ€™s ROSTER INCLUDES: ๐Ÿ”ฅ Yumi๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ’‹A striking new tall gorgeous Korean model with long, flowing reddish-brown hair cascading down her back and a slender, elegant figure that exudes grace and poise. Yumiโ€™s natural confidence and allure, make her approachable
  41. luckywellness:
    Lucky Wellness Center 4379721888 295 Eglinton Ave E,Unit 7,Mississauga Yoyo and
  42. Lulu1980:
    Phoenix Blossom Spa ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน2 girls ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ5124 Dundas St W Etobicokeโ˜Ž๏ธ416-817-3366๐Ÿ‘ New Japanese girl Nina โค๏ธ Natural Big Boobs 38 DD ๐Ÿ˜˜Pink Mini Nipples Hot body slide, super enjoyable๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜ very provocative service๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜, professional super Luna deep tissue massage, has therapeutic effect to loosen bones and relieve muscle pressure and will bring you unexpected service effects, she will bring you a little surprise๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜โค๏ธYou are welcome to make an appointment at any time or walk in the back
  43. Lulu_Villa_Spa:
    Barbie Petite Korea Part time School girl Elena Vietnamese sweetheart girl Sami Gorgeous Model Type Vietnamese Girl Judy is a gorgeous model type Vietnamese Girl Natalie filipina mixed Petite girl โ˜Ž๏ธ647- 446-0886
  44. New spring spa@:
    ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒนsexy hot Latino ๐Ÿ’–Singapore ๐Ÿ’– Korean girls ๐Ÿ‘working at Nu spring spa๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹โ˜Ž๏ธ416-669-8508๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน
  45. Ivyspa:
    Miami
  46. Lulu1980:
    Phoenix Blossom Spa ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน Three girls every day ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ 5124 Dundas West Street, Etobicoke โ˜Ž๏ธ 416-817-3366 ๐Ÿ‘ Newโ—๏ธNew girl โ—๏ธJenny , sexy girl 1.60 M.pretty boobs 36D๐Ÿ˜˜Superb service ๐Ÿ‘ Sweet girl Suki Big Boobs 36DD ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜ Hot and sexy body very provocative service ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜โค๏ธ You are welcome to make an appointment at any time or walk in directly through the back door. We have ample parking spaces available
  47. Alibi Massage and Spa:
    Most sensual touch ๐Ÿ’‹ ALIBI Massage&SPA ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ฒ KAY ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡บ ROSE ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡นJANNE ๐Ÿ“ž905 212 1222๐Ÿ“1380 Matheson Blvd East, Mississauga
  48. Soul Relax Spa:
    โœจ Looking for a relaxing escape? โœ… Click Here Meet๐ŸŒธTina๐ŸŒธValentina๐ŸŒธAlisaCall us today for the best treatment and service experience. Click on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates ! Call now โ˜Ž 289 - 298 - 5662โ˜Ž๏ธ Your ultimate relaxation awaits! โœจ
  49. HollywoodSpa:
    Saturday at ๐ŸŽญ๐—›๐—ข๐—Ÿ๐—Ÿ๐—ฌ๐—ช๐—ข๐—ข๐—— ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”๐ŸŽญ, 4578 Yonge St, Unit 100, North York, ON: COCO & SISI. โ˜Ž416-222-5554โ˜Ž COCO is an attractive attendant with nice massage skills & good services. SISI is a sweet slim beauty, 5โ€™2โ€, with a beauty ass, excellent massage, and amazing services. Come and see why she is so popular. When you visit ๐ŸŽญHollywood Spa๐ŸŽญ, you will be treated with tender care
  50. ForeverWarden:
    Saturday at ๐Ÿซฆโค๏ธ๐Ÿ”ด๐ŸŸฅโ™พ๏ธ๐“•๐“ž๐“ก๐“”๐“ฅ๐“”๐“ก ๐“ข๐“Ÿ๐“โ™พ๏ธ๐ŸŸฅ๐Ÿ”ดโค๏ธ๐Ÿซฆ 2190 Warden Ave, Unit 201, Scarborough ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿด๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿฌ-๐Ÿณ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด๐Ÿณ: Olivia, Sara & Tracy. Sara is young & slim with nice C Cups, trim waist, sexy bum and long hair. She is vary friendly uses her assets well. Tracy is an incredibly cute & pretty Japanese/Taiwanese mixed spinner, about 5โ€™1โ€ and 100 lbs. She is very popular for her exotic massage & services.
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