Should I introduce him to my daughter too?

[demelo]

I have been dating this gentleman for 3 weeks now. We met online and seem to have a lot in common. We both have young children, (6 years and under) and I have issues with meeting or introducing children to a potential relationship before I know if it's going to be serious or lasting. Last night we had planned to meet at his house for dinner, when I got there he had his children with him. I felt a little weird about this, I had a great time with his two beautiful kids, I work with small children so they warm up to me quickly. But, I feel like this may have been a little too soon and I feel like he should have told me he was going to have his kids there. Of course, I had a wonderful time, but I feel like it might be moving to quick when there are children involved, and I must honestly say, I'm not ready to introduce him to my daughter. Am I making too much out of this? Or does it seem odd?

Thank you!

 

[FLO]

I think he should have waited longer. I also think that the other parent should know who you are first, or that you even exist first. I agree that things need to be serious before meeting the new SO.

I have been in this situation with my own son. I knew my husband as a friendly acquaintance for 2 years before we began dating. It took a few months for me to introduce him to my son still, even though I knew him very well. It also took well over a year of living together for me to allow him to watch my son alone. I always preferred to be safe rather than sorry. They are now best of friends. He was 2 when he met him.

On the flip side. My son's father began dating this woman and having sleep overs right away. The only reason I knew she existed was because they were in bed (still at 11 am) when I dropped my son for a visit with his father. That was 8 months ago. She pretty much lives there, yet I have not met her and my son spends weekends there. His father has told our son that she is a friend and my son seems confused. My son is now almost 7.
I find it horribly disrespectful that I am not "allowed" to meet a person who spends time with my son.

Anyway, I think you are being responsible. i also think maybe you should let him know that while you enjoy his company you don't feel it's a good idea to be around his kids yet. As they may become attached and then lose you.

 

[chalkboard]

First, three weeks! Nowhere near enough time to know if this guy is in the picture for the long term, or even if he's a psycho.

Second, you're your daughter's mom. You need to decide what's best for your daughter, not your boyfriend. Just because he's fine with introducing anyone to his kids doesn't mean you should do the same.

Third, the fact that he blindsided you with his kids tells you he's got boundary issues. Think hard about this relationship.

 

[Spd]

I respect and agree with your approach. Waiting doesn't hurt much in this situation. Separate your love life from your precious children until you believe/know this will result in a serious relationship. I think introducing and removing a parent-figure to a child's life multiple times does much more harm than not having that parent figure there.