VULGAR...I need your advice

[Pompal 09.]

I work at two different locations: one a hair salon the other a chiropractic office.  I went in to the chiro office to work and was told that a client of his, a woman that I had also massaged once at the salon,  I also massaged the husband a few weeks later at the salon.  The doctor was told that I was VULGAR with the husband and that they would never come to me again.   I am beside myself in that I have no idea what she is speaking about!  The couple are both in their late 70's the husband is a retired marine after 37 years service.  I called the husband to find out what I may have done or said.  His response, " I don't recall what you are talking about" but he was very curt and short with me on the phone.  I still have no idea what the problem may have been.   My question is   HOW WOULD YOU HAVE HANDLED THE SITUATION?  and  HAVE YOU HAVE ANY THING SIMILAR TO THIS?

 

[Bubbles DeVere]

VULGAR...I need your advice

First I would want to know exactly what I did or said. Then I would call the woman also and ask her. Sometimes. a client will feel guilty about going to another person and will make up something to justily to them sleves why they are going to someone else. And they may just prefer to go to someone else and didn't want to hurt the doctors feeling so they made up a lie. Some people just don't care about our feelings.(BAD PEOPLE) Hang in there!

 

[fixed wheel yellowbelly]

VULGAR...I need your advice

George, I wouldn't have taken the remark so personally.It may be their age, or religious background. It may be that the husband felt aroused by mere touch and felt jealous of his wife's possible arousal. You did what you could by listening to the doctor, and speaking with the husband. If there was nothing reported to the doctor, or to you, supporting this allegation, it was probably a very personal matter he felt embarassed to discuss. In my case, I'd discuss those things with my doctor. I'd let him know that I had contacted the husband about the complaint, and his answer. I'd also let him know that I got feedback from other professionals concerning this matter. Touch really does not have to be sensual to be arousing.You should not have to suffer for doing a good job, obviously the wife thought that you did excellent work or she'd have said something to her husband before his appointment. Gina

 

[Dazaa]

I totally agree with Gina If he is in his 70's and almost 40yrs as a marine, he is probably fairly "proper" - maybe going anywhere above the knee or below the chest is classified vulgar when it is a man touching him  (I'm assuming George is a George and not a Georgina?) or a woman that is not his wife  (or even his wife?)I would imagine any work on the gleuts could be taken to be improper for an ex-marine.  I suspect it would be very difficult massaging seniors as to what they really find acceptable touch, most people assume everyone else has their same boundaries and they don't need to explain what is a no go area. I ask clients if there are any areas they would like avoided and people will always go "no", but when I actually have them on the table and ask if they would like their stomach massaged quite a few will always look totally stunned at the idea, shudder and go "NO!" but they didn't think to mention it before - and these are not seniors where I think you're getting into a whole other area of no go zones that aren't spoken about.It would probably have much more to do with his stuff than your treatment.

 

[juicygirl172]

George,Please don't internalize this occurrence.  As a student, in class we discuss the issue frequently - how massage is perceived and accepted by different people.  And it's brought up by the students.  We have folks from 4 states and many diverse communities in our class.  One woman works in a health club in an upscale area and she doesn't really associate with anyone who hasn't integrated massage into their routine.  Another fellow works for a company that hires ex-military to go to Iraq as security officers.  Guess who would and wouldn't tell their employer about what class they were taking? My best friend won't let me work on him unless he's on the floor because a table is "too weird."  You probably massaged this guy in areas he didn't expect you would.  Maybe areas that haven't felt touch in years.I'm seriously considering putting previous massage exposure and client boundaries on any intake form I design.  With the intention of not freaking out the client and establishing communication about the expectations.  Anyone seen this?

 

[Nima]

George -  I don't think you could have done anything more, other than possibly call the wife as happyhands suggested to find out exactly what you did that he considered vulgar. The only thing you could do with that info would be to keep it in mind for future encounters, however, as gutehands said, everyone has different things that might freak them out.Unfortunately, most certainly anything that you say to the couple at this point will do nothing to change their minds about you.Keep your chin up, and try not to take it too much to heart.  YOU know the truth.  

 

[barbara v]

VULGAR...I need your advice

George,It sounds like you have done what you could to try to get to the issue. Maybe chalk it up as an educational experience.I've had once person so far (in my 2 years of massage) tell me directly that my massage was awful and wanted a refund. She didn't tell me in person, but to the chiro that I team with. I called her and confronted her on the issue (I hate confrontations) and asked her experience. She said she felt worse after the massage, thought I was a rookie, that my rate is too high and she wanted a refund. I told her I felt I had done my best with her and I felt justified in not offering a refund and that my rate is on par with other entry-level LMPs in the area. But before I told her that, I asked what specifically about the massage she didn't like. She was fairly vague, but did say I didn't use enough pressure. At the time of the massage (she's an healthy, active woman in her 70s), she said she had some minor nose surgery that prevented her from taking her aspirin, which she uses for pain relief. Any pressure other than very light was painful to her. I spent the first 30 minutes just trying to find something that would work for her, as she said she wanted to relax. I found some light Swedish strokes and some gentle rocking to be effective, or at least she looked like she was relaxing. She came rushing into the appointment without barely talking to me and wanted to start right away, it seemed like she thought I could read her mind about what she wanted from her massage. She paid and then rushed off...she had so many things she had to do that day it (she doesn't 'work' anymore but still goes into her office daily) almost seemed like she really didn't have time for a massage.In hindsight, I should have asked more questions about her minor surgery, aspirin and why she thought she was feeling pain at light touch. I would have then said that I thought it would be better if she came back another day when she was back on her aspirin?