Chat Jokes please

[BigDare88]

 

[BigDare88]

 

[BigDare88]

 

[BigDare88]

omg hope premier opens soon

 

[snoopdoggie]

View attachment 113888

You know the old saying, "keep an open mind?" They have an open pussy.

 

[cupcrazy]

 

[snoopdoggie]

View attachment 113897

Heck, you can't get much for under a dollar anymore. In a few years, they'll be fazing out loonies.

 

[LazyBoy]

> Green Eggs and Hamlet
>
> I ask to be, or not to be.
> That is the question I ask of me.
> This sullied life, it makes me shudder.
> My uncle's boffing dear, sweet mother.
> Would I, could I take my life?
> Could I, should I, end this strife?
> Should I jump out of a plane?
> Or throw myself before a train?
> Should I from a cliff just leap?
> Could I put myself to sleep?
> Shoot myself, or take some poison?
> Maybe try self immoloition?
> To shudder off this mortal coil,
> I could stab myself with a fencing foil.
> Slash my wrists while in the bath?
> Would it end my angst and wrath?
> To sleep, to dream, now there's the rub.
> I could drop a toaster in my tub.
> Would all be glad if I were dead?
> Could I perhaps kill them instead?
> This line of thought takes consideration -
> For I'm the king of procrastination.

 

[LazyBoy]

In Africa there was a business man who was informed by his company
that he was going to have to go on a three month trip. While the travelling
didn't bother him, he was very concerned about his wife. She was a
nympho-maniac, and he was afraid that having to wait for three months would
either drive her insane or to another man while he was gone.
After visiting sex shops and massage parlours, he found that none of
these places would keep his wife satisfied for three months. So, by a
recommendation of a friend, he went to talk to a witch doctor to see if he
could help.
The witch doctor listened patiently as the business man explained
his situation, and finally nodded.
"I know exactly what you need." he said as he walked over to a
rickety shelf, and reached up to grab a long rectangular box (about 10
inches long by three inches wide). He handed the box to the business
man, and laughed as he jumped when he saw what was inside. Contained
within the box was a human dick!
"Whoa doctor! I don't think I'll need this!" exclaimed the
businessman, handing the box back to the witch doctor.
"You do not understand." explained the witch doctor. "This is no
ordinary dick. This is Voodoo dick!"
"Uh huh." said the business man getting ready to bolt.
"I'll show you!" exclaimed the witch doctor. "Do you see that
chicken over there?" he asked pointing to a chicken near the doorway.
"Yes."
"Watch. Voodoo Dick! The Chicken!" Voodoo dick slowly levitated
out of the box, and flew quickly at the chicken. "Bawk bawk BAWK!"
feathers flew every where as Voodoo Dick Fucked it up a wall.
"Voodoo Dick! Stop!" Voodoo dick came out of the chicken flew back
to the box and lay gently down.
"WOW!" said the businessman.
"Now you try it on the cat over there." "O.K." The man took
possession of the box. "Voodoo Dick! The cat!"
"WWWWWRRRRROOOOOWWWWWRRRR!!!!" Fur flew. Voodoo dick screwed the
cat up the other wall.
"Voodoo Dick! Stop!" Voodoo Dick lay gently in the box. The man
payed for (lets just call Voodoo Dick V.D.) V.D., and took it home.

"Oh Honey! You shouldn't have! You REALLY shouldn't have!" Said
his wife after the business man displayed V.D. on their dog Scruffy.
"Well, just in case, I'll leave it here on the mantle."

Five weeks later, she can't take it any more. She's GOT to get some
NOW! With her head hanging low, she grabbed the box, took it to the
bedroom, stripped down, opened the box and gave the command:
"Voodoo Dick. Me."

FIVE HOURS LATER!!!! She can't take any more! Her eyes are rolled
up in the back of her head. All she can think is NO MORE. But she can't
remember the yielding command. So she reaches in, pulls V.D. out, and
throws it against the wall.
Thump (the wall). Thud (the floor). V.D. gets back up and goes
right back at her.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" she screamed in horror. Threw V.D. against
another wall, and bolts out of the bedroom. Grabbing the car keys on the
way, she runs buck naked to the car, jumps inside, starts it up, and
floors it. She looks in her rear view mirror. V.D. is coming after
her.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" She screams as she takes the car out onto
the highway (still buck naked). She's doing 60. V.D. is still gaining.
70. Gaining, more slowly now, but still gaining. 80 MPH, and she
finally begins to loose V.D.
You can imagine the police officers surprise as the strange naked
woman went screaming by at 85 to 90 MPH. Naturally he pulled her over.
"All right lady, what the hell is going on?!"
"Voodoo Dick! He's . . . It's . . . 80 miles per . . . it's after
me, and" she looks in the rear view mirror, and here comes Voodoo
barreling at her at 80 MILES PER HOUR!
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! It's Voodoo Dick!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Never looking up, the cop stands there at ease, and says
sarcastically :
"Voodoo Dick my ass"

 

[BigDare88]

 

[OG_funguy]

View attachment 113925

LMAO

 

[snoopdoggie]

View attachment 113925

Stay thirsty, my friends.

 

[cupcrazy]

 

[cupcrazy]

 

[snoopdoggie]

View attachment 114099

He's cooked.

 

[cupcrazy]

 

[cupcrazy]

 

[cupcrazy]

 

[cupcrazy]

 

[cupcrazy]